Improve Your Relationships One Conversation at a Time with Jeremie Kubicek
Leadership Communication, Professional Development

Improve Your Relationships One Conversation at a Time with Jeremie Kubicek

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Help me help you. Jeremie Kubicek shares that if we want better relationships, we need to be better communicators. Kevin talks to Jeremie about how using simple “code words” can transform communication expectations and build trust in relationships, both personally and professionally. They explore the five code words, celebrate, care, clarify, collaborate, and critique. Jeremy explains how these words can help set clear conversation expectations that lead to more effective communication and stronger relationships. He emphasizes that this shared vocabulary builds alignment, avoids drama loops, and unlocks trust.

Listen For

00:00 Introduction
01:49 Jeremie Kubicek: Communicator, Entrepreneur, Author
03:53 Unveiling 'The Communication Code'
08:00 Exploring Relational Trust
09:45 Dynamics of Critique and Care in Relationships
12:15 The Role of Expectations in Communication
15:07 Leadership and Communication Dynamics
16:50 Decoding the Five Communication Code Words
23:11 Applying the Code in Personal and Professional Relationships 
32:16 Closing

View Full Transcript

00:00:08:03 - 00:00:37:19
Kevin Eikenberry
If you want better relationships and who doesn't? We need to be better communicators. This is a profound truth and it is the focus of our conversation today. And while we have been in relationships and communicating our entire lives, we can all get better at it, at work, at home. And as leaders join us today, as we help you understand and unlock the communication code.

00:00:37:21 - 00:01:04:19
Kevin Eikenberry
Welcome to another episode of the Remarkable Leadership Remarkable Leadership Podcast, where we are helping leaders grow personally and professionally to lead more effectively and make a bigger difference for their teams, organizations and the world. If you are listening to this podcast, you could be live for a future episodes on your favorite social channel. You can find out how to do that and when to join us by going to our Facebook or LinkedIn groups.

00:01:04:21 - 00:01:31:16
Kevin Eikenberry
Just go to remarkable podcast icon slash Facebook or remarkable podcast dot com slash LinkedIn or subscribe to our YouTube channel. Today's episode was brought to you by our remarkable master classes pick from 13 important life and leadership skills to help you become more effective, productive and confident while overcoming some of the leader's toughest challenges. Learn more and sign up at Remarkable Masterclass.

00:01:31:22 - 00:01:49:19
Kevin Eikenberry
Dot com. And with that, we bring in my guest. His name is Jeremy Cuba Jack. He's been here with me before long ago, and he's back. I don't remember when it was I was going to look it up and then I didn't get around that. We'll have it in the show notes for everybody. Let me introduce Jeremy to you and then we'll dive in.

00:01:49:19 - 00:02:13:16
Kevin Eikenberry
And he's a powerful communicator, a serial entrepreneur and a content builder. He creates content used by some of the largest companies around the globe found in the six books he has authored, including his latest, The Communication Code, coauthored with his business partner, Steve Cockrum. Jeremy is the co-founder of Giant, a company that certifies coaches and consultants that serve companies and their employees.

00:02:13:18 - 00:02:27:12
Kevin Eikenberry
He started he has started over 25 companies while living in Oklahoma City, Moscow, Atlanta and London. And welcome back to the show, Jeremy. Glad to have you. Thanks for joining us.

00:02:27:14 - 00:02:32:16
Jeremie Kubicek
Kevin, always good to be with you. I love what you do and I'm just grateful to be with you.

00:02:32:18 - 00:02:58:23
Kevin Eikenberry
And probably more grateful if my phone hadn't gone off. But that's another story, everybody. I was telling him before we started 424 episodes, you'd think I'd remember to turn off my phone before we start. So, listen, we have been together, but it's been a while, and many people who are with us have not don't know you well. So tell us a little bit about the journey that led you, Jeremy, to this point.

00:02:59:01 - 00:03:22:21
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So my the whole journey, what I'm after is I want people to become more relationally intelligent because I keep watching what happens when they're not. And I've spent my career in leadership. You know, I used to run the leader cast event and built that and built the Catalyst conferences and ran John Maxwell's worlds for a number of years, started companies in lots of places and then have written my own books.

00:03:22:21 - 00:03:53:07
Jeremie Kubicek
And every time what I keep finding is that we have this pandemic of cynical know it alls who don't know what it's like to be on the other side of themselves. And I've been that myself. So it's really the goal of my life. And what I'm trying to accomplish is help people see what it's like to be on the other side of themselves, but then give them actual practical tools to not only solve it for themselves, but change the dynamics of the relationships in their life.

00:03:53:09 - 00:04:16:17
Kevin Eikenberry
So I mentioned in the introduction six books. This is the sixth book. It's called The Communication Code. So you really I think, answered already sort of why this book? But I'm curious as to the title. Why do you think of it or why should we think of communication as having a code?

00:04:16:19 - 00:04:44:03
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So here's here's what I want you to think about. If you're listening to this and a podcast, our life here, the communication code. Think about communication, and communication is a transmission. I'm transmitting something. So when I transmit something, transmission has an expectation. Every transmission has an expectation. It's like I'm communicating something to you. It means, Hey, Kevin, I'd love to get together soon and talk about a few things.

00:04:44:05 - 00:05:14:22
Jeremie Kubicek
Okay. What's the agenda? What's the what's the expectation attached to that? What are you wanting? So when you understand that most people miss communicate, which means we mess up the expectation transfer. We don't. We're not aware, We don't know or we haven't solved the expectation of the person. That means we we won't meet their needs and then we further disappoint people.

00:05:15:00 - 00:05:36:03
Jeremie Kubicek
Like I did it again. Yep. And so there's a we. What Steve and I realized was this happened kept happening with he and I, and we had an infamous session. This is eight years ago. We've been using this tool for about eight years. We were sitting in this restaurant called Jack and Alice in London. Seems British. And I used I used to live in London.

00:05:36:03 - 00:05:59:04
Jeremie Kubicek
And so we're setting this restaurant. I just gotten back from the States. I just closed a pretty large deal and I was pretty excited about it. And so I came to Steve. I'm like, Dude, let's go, man. I want to talk. So my expectation was to celebrate. I started sharing my what happened? And Steve starts to go, Ha!

00:05:59:06 - 00:06:17:19
Jeremie Kubicek
Well, that's not how we talked about it. Why did why did you do it that way? I thought we were going to do X, Y and Z. He starts critiquing the very deal that I closed when what I closed was bigger than what we had talked about. But it didn't happen the way that we had talked, that we thought it would happen.

00:06:17:19 - 00:06:38:15
Jeremie Kubicek
It happened in a different way. But his critique caused me to turn beet red and I started to literally build up. And what I realized was every time this was happening, every time with Steve, every time I'd have a celebration, there'd be a critique attached to it. In his mind, he thought he was collaborating, but it was coming out.

00:06:38:15 - 00:06:48:23
Kevin Eikenberry
This didn't feel like that to you. And it's never happened to anyone who's listening, right? Ever where someone felt like they were collaborating. But do you have felt like a critique? Right.

00:06:49:01 - 00:07:08:17
Jeremie Kubicek
And and therefore, I was like, That's not what I'm looking for right now. There's a time and place. So I said it. Why do you always critique? It's like putting water on my fire. I've got this cake with candles I'm trying to celebrate. And you just doused it with water. And he goes, Well, why didn't you tell me you wanted to celebrate?

00:07:08:19 - 00:07:41:14
Jeremie Kubicek
I'm like, Well, why didn't you know? I wanted to celebrate? And it took us about 2 hours and we figured out we just actually committed to stay and solve the issue that kept happening. And then we started figuring out what was happening with our spouse and other people. And we figured out there's code words and everyone's if they could actually send the code word, then there's a better chance the expectations will get me, which means that communications will get better, which means that relationships will be unlocked.

00:07:41:16 - 00:08:00:04
Kevin Eikenberry
I want to get to the all the code words, people. If you're paying close attention, you might know that we've already mentioned three of them, but we'll get to that in a minute. But there's two there's like three other things I think we need to talk about before we dive in to the words themselves. And and we'll do that in a minute.

00:08:00:05 - 00:08:19:17
Kevin Eikenberry
In both, the first two of these ideas have already come up in our conversation. But I think it's important for us to talk about you talk about the idea of relational trust. Most people would just use the word trust. What do you mean when you say relational trust and how does it relate to this conversation?

00:08:19:19 - 00:08:49:19
Jeremie Kubicek
So I'll take it a step further. Again, we we focus at Giant on relational intelligence, so an unintelligent person will have relational issues. So relational, unintended, urgent person is someone who's not built relational trust. So relational trust is the idea that when we're talking, when we're communicating, we're doing it in the framework of a relationship, not in the framework of a transaction.

00:08:49:21 - 00:09:22:22
Jeremie Kubicek
And a transaction is very different than than a relationship. So the transaction is just, yeah, commodity right back and forth. So if you're inside a relationship, there's this relational trust or a relational distrust. There's relational intelligence or relational unintelligent. What tends to take place is people have the same tendencies and we're not aware of what we do. And so take the take the spouse, the husband, typically the female.

00:09:22:22 - 00:09:45:01
Jeremie Kubicek
I'm just generalizing here, but the female, the spouse will say, Hey, I really need to talk. And this the woman starts going into detail. The man's tries to solve it. And all of a sudden the wife because never mind, never mind. And then they pull back and then she begins to talk to other friends who will listen because her husband never listens.

00:09:45:01 - 00:10:04:15
Jeremie Kubicek
And then she says, you know, Dale never listens. He'll never change. He's always the same meaning he he has a tendency to critique. But he's not doesn't show care, so he doesn't know how to care for me. So I have to get my needs met in other places. Well, there's an emotional distress.

00:10:04:17 - 00:10:24:23
Kevin Eikenberry
Yeah. So going back to your earlier. Sorry, I didn't mean interrupt. Going back to your earlier point that once we have these code words and we're going to talk about this more, but the idea is that it doesn't necessarily mean that Dale isn't capable of care. It's just that's not what he's thinking. Like, I'll take an example, a similar very similar example.

00:10:25:01 - 00:10:43:16
Kevin Eikenberry
You know, Jeremy, you know, the kind of work that I do. We do very similar work. And so all day long people are asking me for my advice. And when I go home and hear about my wife's day at work, that is not what she wants from me. So we could use the code word as a way to talk about that.

00:10:43:21 - 00:11:11:00
Kevin Eikenberry
But what I learned a long time ago is that she may want advice about some work issue at some point, but not first. And until I realize that that's not what she needs first and I have to be the one to make the adjustment. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I'm way better. Way better at it than I used to be, then that that has the chance to make a huge impact, including building relational trust.

00:11:11:02 - 00:11:44:18
Jeremie Kubicek
We then what we've done is we've created common language so that people can use the common language because common language builds object, objective relation or communication is not subjective. So a subjective subjectivity is where all drama comes from. You know, Kevin, you never you always. Why do you. Why can't you like subjective thoughts versus common language is like, hey, I really need you to care.

00:11:44:20 - 00:11:58:10
Jeremie Kubicek
I just need care today. I don't really need critique. I just need you to listen. You got it. You sent the code word. I've heard it. Now I have to respond to it.

00:11:58:12 - 00:12:15:01
Kevin Eikenberry
You said two things. Made me think of my father, who used to say Kevin always and never are a very long time. And the other problem with those two words are. As long as I can think of one time when it wasn't true, then I didn't get everything that you just said. And there we go to Drama. I love that.

00:12:15:01 - 00:12:45:03
Kevin Eikenberry
Well, I don't love drama, but except on the screen. But yeah, I love that. So the other thing that you guys talk about early in the book and that we mentioned briefly and it relates to what we've just been talking about is the idea of expectations. And and I think the older and hopefully wiser that I get, the more I realize how very important and underappreciated expectations are not just for us as leaders, certainly for us as well.

00:12:45:03 - 00:12:56:02
Kevin Eikenberry
You're setting clearer expectations. People can't read our minds, right, but in all areas of our lives as well. So anything beyond what we've already said that you want to comment on here.

00:12:56:03 - 00:13:23:02
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So expectations they have they have long memories because you you think about when you've your expectations have not been met historically. So if you want if you're listening to this and you want to significantly change the relationships that you have, then you've got to do a little bit of work to go back and first recognize it. Second, apologize.

00:13:23:04 - 00:13:44:22
Jeremie Kubicek
And then third, create a new standard, which is going to take weeks, months for people to see that it's legit and it's real that you actually have changed. Most people are just unaware that they tend to critique or they're killjoys to other people. There's no note. So therefore and so when they don't know it, then they think it's the other person.

00:13:45:00 - 00:14:02:17
Jeremie Kubicek
Now, she woke up on the other strong side of the bed this morning, or what's up with him? Well, you know, it could be you. It could be that every single time that you're with someone, you find fault and they see it as critical. They don't see it as you trying to help them.

00:14:02:22 - 00:14:04:04
Kevin Eikenberry
Exactly.

00:14:04:06 - 00:14:23:16
Jeremie Kubicek
So then that creates a dynamic, which then means that my expectations become limited and maybe even resigned because I'm going to put a wall up to protect myself from you. And every time we have a communication, it is exactly the same as the last one. And the last one. And the last one and the last one. The wall goes higher and higher and higher and higher.

00:14:23:21 - 00:14:29:04
Jeremie Kubicek
And my expectations for us to have a good relationship go lower and lower and lower.

00:14:29:06 - 00:14:35:16
Kevin Eikenberry
And all that wall does is make sure that not like any wall. Nothing's getting through it.

00:14:35:18 - 00:14:35:22
Jeremie Kubicek
Right.

00:14:36:04 - 00:15:07:09
Kevin Eikenberry
Now. All right. So we've been talking about examples, Jeremy, that are both personal and professional. And there's if if we're on a podcast called the Remarkable Leadership Podcast, when you talk a little bit about that leadership role piece, which means there are power dynamics at play. Right. So talk a little bit about that, about what that looks like and what that how that matters in this conversation.

00:15:07:11 - 00:15:32:03
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So, you know, you think back to history. You go, okay, if I have a if I'm thinking of a relationship in my life, the power dynamics are, well, who is that person to me? Are they older than me? Are are they a father figure? Are they a teacher? A principal? There's power at play with AIDS, with title.

00:15:32:05 - 00:15:55:20
Jeremie Kubicek
Are they a CEO in their world? And so therefore, they're kind of a bigger thing in their world. So those are all power moves. And then you put in personality, then you might have a more Type A personality. So all of those together could could make it feel like I'm subservient to you because of age, stage, title, personality.

00:15:55:22 - 00:16:19:18
Jeremie Kubicek
So being aware then that your power dynamics can actually shut people down and you may not be aware of what it's like to be on the other side of you and how and why people distrust you. Because all they've experienced is your power and your critique so they don't feel, you know, engage the feel that you're fighting for them.

00:16:20:00 - 00:16:24:17
Jeremie Kubicek
They might feel like you're fighting against them.

00:16:24:19 - 00:16:50:05
Kevin Eikenberry
Okay, we keep talking about the code words, but I haven't asked you or allowed you, if you will, to sort of outline them all. By my count, we've actually you've actually mentioned four of the five. So they all start with C, which I immediately love because I like alliteration and it helps us remember them, of course. So why don't you just very quickly describe each of the five.

00:16:50:05 - 00:16:54:14
Kevin Eikenberry
I'll pop them on the screen for those watching as you do that. Go ahead.

00:16:54:16 - 00:17:12:22
Jeremie Kubicek
First one is celebrate. So what we're seeing is that people have an expectation. They have a code word. So a celebration is when someone wants to talk about something that excited about and just want to celebrate. I'm not saying a parade. I'm just saying I want to be able to to celebrate. And so celebrations, one care is another.

00:17:13:00 - 00:17:35:04
Jeremie Kubicek
So care is when someone is looking for you to listen or just to just just to be with them or care about the things they care about. And so cares going to be different for different personalities, but that's ultimately what care is. Third is clarifying, clarify. So an expectation is, Hey, I need you to clarify what you're saying.

00:17:35:06 - 00:17:54:23
Jeremie Kubicek
So I know that you know what I'm talking about. So if we're going to collaborate on it, I just need to know that you get what I'm saying. If not, then we're going to have issues. Then there's collaboration. And then the collaboration is different. The collaboration is like, Hey, we're working on this together. This isn't hey, this is my idea.

00:17:55:00 - 00:18:21:05
Jeremie Kubicek
Make it better. This is Listen, I've got something. Let's build something together. So we're truly building together. Whereas critique is allies, critique would be the last one. So an expectation of critique is basically, Hey, make this better. Some people take an idea out here and they go, Hey, Kevin, would you take my idea? And thinkers will do this well, and you shoot a hole in it and I go and take it away.

00:18:21:05 - 00:18:33:05
Jeremie Kubicek
I'm like, Hey, good job. Thank you. I just made it better. Appreciate that. Well, that's ideal. Critique. A lot of feelers will be their idea. Yeah. Hey, Kevin, what do you think of it? And then put their idea right?

00:18:33:05 - 00:18:36:18
Kevin Eikenberry
Right over my heart. Right. Total ownership of this puppy.

00:18:36:18 - 00:18:58:03
Jeremie Kubicek
Right. And so then you shoot at it, and then all of a sudden you see blood and you're like, Why did you put it over your heart? you're taking this personal. No, this isn't personal. And yet, because we're so passionate, everything is personal, especially to viewers. So that's where critique versus being critical are different.

00:18:58:05 - 00:19:33:17
Kevin Eikenberry
So it crosses my mind. You're talking about collaboration for those who are listening to the podcast. Two weeks ago we had an episode who put this in the show notes where I talked with Chris Dever and Ian Clawson about their new book, which talks about co-creation and how it requires us to be brave to do that. And I think it requires us to be brave, have to know and understand what we need in this communication, in this relationship, and and to be brave enough to say, hey, I right now what I need is care, not clarification, even, for example.

00:19:33:18 - 00:19:42:10
Kevin Eikenberry
Right. So any you would say about that, about sort of the bravery that comes or maybe how the words help us be braver perhaps?

00:19:42:11 - 00:20:11:00
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah, Well, I mean, we have expectations. Wouldn't it be nice if we could share what those expectations are? So all it is is it's a transmission. Transmission has an expectation. Expectation has a code word attached to it. So by me coming to you and going, Hey, Kevin, man, I've got some things I want to share. I need you to clarify them first, because I really need you to help pull out what I'm trying to say.

00:20:11:02 - 00:20:33:21
Jeremie Kubicek
But I want your full collaboration. But not until I know you're completely on the same page with me. That should. It's almost like a transmission you're aligning. You're being aligned to actually work together. So by doing this really, really well, it's it's me actually giving you the chance to help me.

00:20:33:23 - 00:21:00:03
Kevin Eikenberry
See, that's the part I love about this. It's giving you the chance to help me. Right. So it puts us in this space of we're in this together, which, of course, if we're in a relationship, we are in it together. One of the things I wanted to do was read something from the book that basically you've already said, but I'm going to I'm going to read it again, read it here and let you comment on it.

00:21:00:05 - 00:21:16:18
Kevin Eikenberry
You haven't said it quite this way In the book. You said honor others by asking what code word they want from you. You've talked about telling people what code word you want, but this is saying honor them by asking. So say a little bit more about that.

00:21:16:18 - 00:21:29:02
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So it's two ways, right? So here's the reality. Let's say, Kevin, let's say you and I are really close friends, okay? And we've spent a lot of time and we would be if we've got more time together. But let's just say you have it's.

00:21:29:02 - 00:21:31:15
Kevin Eikenberry
Too cold in Oklahoma City. Sorry.

00:21:31:17 - 00:21:47:18
Jeremie Kubicek
You say one or two things that you'd want, okay. And I have one or two things I'd want. So when I'm meeting with you before we start, you go, Hey, man, I want to meet with you. I'm so excited. I want to talk to you about some things. I couldn't miss it if I. If I don't stop and go.

00:21:47:18 - 00:22:08:11
Jeremie Kubicek
Okay. Before you do. What? What are you hoping we accomplish? What do you need from me? Now, if you know the language, you go, that's right. Yeah. I want. I want your collaboration. But I want you to clarify first. Perfect. Thank you. You've helped me be able to help you. So that's. That's the idea. I have the same expectations as well.

00:22:08:13 - 00:22:36:04
Jeremie Kubicek
So what we're doing is we're just meeting and matching expectations. That's the entire game that we're playing here. And so honor is really doing that to others as they would want dance to Platinum Rule. So it's actually providing what you would want because in you may not even know that's what you want. But for me to stop you before we go and help you align it, it's going to it's the chance for me to increase.

00:22:36:04 - 00:22:40:00
Jeremie Kubicek
My influence goes up dramatically.

00:22:40:02 - 00:23:11:06
Kevin Eikenberry
So sometimes we read a book and we can get tremendous value from it for ourselves. That's true. That is true with this book. But I think that the thing that is really been reinforced for me, Jeremy, in our conversation beyond when I read it, is that this book, the communication Code, is of greater value when both people in a in a relationship or everyone on a team all reads it because of the.

00:23:11:08 - 00:23:11:15
Jeremie Kubicek
Common.

00:23:11:16 - 00:23:33:09
Kevin Eikenberry
Common language. Back to this idea of common language where we started. And so I think that that's, I think is worth you thinking about as you're listening to us. Watching us and, and, and I would strongly encourage you to think about getting copies of this book, not just for yourself, but for those that you work with. I'm sure you agree with that.

00:23:33:09 - 00:23:35:23
Kevin Eikenberry
But anything you want to you want to add to that.

00:23:36:01 - 00:24:02:21
Jeremie Kubicek
It's true. We've been seeing it. We've been seeing it. It's it's just it's really healthy and it's almost like oil in an engine. No one thinks about oil. They think about the engine. But it's the oil that makes the engine run, Right? It's the oil. So it removes friction. The communication code is like oil for a team or a marriage or for being a dad or a parent.

00:24:02:23 - 00:24:26:00
Jeremie Kubicek
It actually gives you the language so that we don't get into those drama loops into the and pride doesn't enter and walls don't go up. And so to unlock a relationship if you just if you learn the few words and the system and the way to do this, it literally changes the entire future of of a relationship.

00:24:26:02 - 00:24:58:01
Kevin Eikenberry
Yeah I think that's right. And and we have we have long said these ideas about the code words notwithstanding that workplace conflict conflict but certainly workplace conflict is caused by unmet or unclear expectations. And so drama is created when there are unmet or unclear expectations. And so the five code words help create a shared expectations that not all we need for clear expectations, but it's certainly a piece of that.

00:24:58:03 - 00:25:17:17
Jeremie Kubicek
Absolutely. And you don't have to stay them. A lot of people go, it feels weird. You say them every single time. I'm like, No, you get so good at it that I can pick up on what you want, even if you don't tell me by asking a few questions. I can know. So, Kevin, before we start, you've got some great ideas here.

00:25:17:17 - 00:25:19:11
Jeremie Kubicek
How can I be most helpful?

00:25:19:13 - 00:25:39:12
Kevin Eikenberry
Exactly. So it doesn't have to. It doesn't have to be formulaic. However, like a lot of things like this, a little bit of that in your head to start with. I mean, if you're doing with this with someone else, using those words more at the start will help you to ingrain it and make it more, more real for you.

00:25:39:14 - 00:26:05:16
Jeremie Kubicek
And the the other thing I just say is we've even gone deeper. Indigo. There's actually even a customer communication code. So now in the top three, four relationships that you have in your life, my wife and I, for an example, here's exactly what I'm looking for. It's not just I need I want celebration and I want your clarification, but here's exactly how I want them.

00:26:05:18 - 00:26:21:01
Jeremie Kubicek
I want clarification to look like this. And then she'll she'll say, care. Here's exactly what I want. I want you to listen and I want you to be interested in the things I'm interested in, okay? So that's not just.

00:26:21:01 - 00:26:23:09
Kevin Eikenberry
Hearing my words, but actually listening. Right?

00:26:23:11 - 00:26:50:02
Jeremie Kubicek
But yeah, so interested in anything. So then when when she's talking about a friend's daughter and where I might go. Yeah, okay. That's my tendency. But then to go, okay, stop. We're in a hot tub, We're talking, we're having just conversation. She wants to go deeper and talk about this other person so she cares. What is it she cares about?

00:26:50:04 - 00:27:09:20
Jeremie Kubicek
Let me. Let me. So now I'm trying to know because she gave me the code word. I'm trying to learn and ask questions about what is it that she's concerned about or really cares about with that person. And by asking a little bit and helping now she feels that I care about the things she cares about.

00:27:09:22 - 00:27:36:03
Kevin Eikenberry
Yeah, I think that's really, really great. And again, the stuff we've been talking about, everybody today applies to all parts of our lives, of course, but I do want to ask this question. But as people put their leadership hat on, Jeremy, sort of the last question before. So we start to roll into the end of our conversation, What where should we as leaders start here?

00:27:36:09 - 00:27:48:11
Kevin Eikenberry
And maybe is there are there somewhat common mistakes you see leaders make in relationship to these code words? Is there anything that maybe would be a good place for people to start?

00:27:48:13 - 00:28:12:16
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah. So actually in the book, the communication good. The first two chapters go back and it's could be very painful because you actually take one relationship in your life or maybe two, and you start looking at you go, What's my my historical power dynamic been with this person? Have I brought challenge in? No support, I've been dominating that person.

00:28:12:18 - 00:28:34:11
Jeremie Kubicek
I've had a negative power play with them, so I've got to make that right. Right. And then if I go, well, let me figure out who they are and how they're wired. Now. The Communication Code. Chapter three. That gives you a chance to know the words, but then you just go have a conversation with them. If it's a team, do it together.

00:28:34:16 - 00:28:56:02
Jeremie Kubicek
We've had teams actually do this. Kevin We've had teams go, Let's use a communication code as a system for our team meetings. We're going to start with celebration. What are what do we need to celebrate that happened in the last week. Little things, high fives. Good job. Okay, now care. Everyone doing okay? Is there anything we need to know in the company or on the team?

00:28:56:04 - 00:29:21:14
Jeremie Kubicek
Well, you know, Susan's grandfather died. thank you. Let's send some flowers. Yeah. Thanks for sharing. Right. Care. Then we get to into clarity. Clarification? Here's what we're working on today. Is everyone clear on kind of what we're doing now? Collaboration. Let's work on it. By the time you do that, you probably don't even need critique. There's nothing to critique because you've got an alignment.

00:29:21:16 - 00:29:31:15
Jeremie Kubicek
So it's a great way for organizations to use it for organization behavior, but it's also a 1 to 1 tool in the same, right?

00:29:31:17 - 00:29:48:01
Kevin Eikenberry
I love that. So couple more questions, Jeremy, before we finish. And I'm really I'm going to shift gears on us now. So if the expectation is we're going to keep talking about the book, that would be incorrect. So my question is, so Jeremy, what do you do for fun?

00:29:48:03 - 00:30:12:05
Jeremie Kubicek
Yeah, so that's I create, I create I like I actually I like to travel. I like to go. I like ambiance. I like friends and travel and go to places and I meet people around the world and I like to create. So my not just for business, but I like to build concepts and content and that's what I do for fun.

00:30:12:09 - 00:30:28:09
Jeremie Kubicek
It sounds kind of nerdy, so I'll read a lot. I'll think a lot. Right now I'm working on fear based leadership and fear based performance, and I'm learning so much that it's just fun for me.

00:30:28:11 - 00:30:33:00
Kevin Eikenberry
I love that. And you mentioned reading, so what are you reading these days?

00:30:33:02 - 00:31:06:09
Jeremie Kubicek
So right now I'm reading an old book. It's called A More Excellent Way. And it's this this old kind of doctor type guy who went around to these communities. And it's actually he saw how fear, worry, insecure city affects health and he ties he ties certain issues like arthritis, bitterness. It's not saying that anyone who has arthritis is better.

00:31:06:14 - 00:31:33:09
Jeremie Kubicek
That's not it at all. But he's saying that if you do forgiveness exercises, it actually affects your health. So I'm just interested in how certain relational issues can actually show up in physical manifestations. And it's just kind of an interesting reading right now. There's no purpose for it other than I'm learning right now what we're.

00:31:33:13 - 00:31:55:19
Kevin Eikenberry
Well, that's a plenty good reason to read. Everybody is to learn. And I think that sometimes we need and I need I'll say it for me, I need to read with a little less purpose sometimes, you know, although I think you clearly described that there is a purpose there. But I think sometimes we all just need to find something to read that is maybe not in our norm.

00:31:55:21 - 00:32:11:21
Kevin Eikenberry
You never know what what connections we will draw, which Jeremy is actually one of the reasons why I always ask this question of smart people that I meet and why I always ask it on the show. The question you've most wanted me to ask from the very, very beginning. Jeremy, is this Where can we learn more? Where do you want to point people?

00:32:11:23 - 00:32:16:13
Kevin Eikenberry
Where can people learn more about you, the work, the book, etc.? Well.

00:32:16:15 - 00:32:37:14
Jeremie Kubicek
So my speaking site and all that is Jeremy Cuban, Kayak.com, which is hard to spell. There you go. Thank you. And then Amazon has all our books and Giant Worldwide is our actual business. And so if you want to find out more about what we do and how we change the world, then that's what we're to go.

00:32:37:16 - 00:33:00:16
Kevin Eikenberry
Giant worldwide dot com is where you can go to get that learn about the content that they've created and the way that they share it and and how it might help you or those around you. So. Jeremy thanks so much for being here so super glad to have you back on the show. But before we say our goodbyes, I've got a question for everyone else and that question for all of you.

00:33:00:19 - 00:33:27:15
Kevin Eikenberry
If you've been here before, you know the question now. What what are you going to do with this? Maybe you have already identified a relationship that you feel like these ideas could help you with. Maybe you want to think differently about the expectations that you're setting with someone or someone. Maybe there's a specific idea that you heard today that can help you be more effective, whatever that might be.

00:33:27:19 - 00:33:44:03
Kevin Eikenberry
I'm not going to presume what that is for you, but what I am going to assume is that if you take action on what you learned, rather than just saying, well, this was good, it will be far more valuable for you. I hope that you will do that. And Jeremy, thanks again for being here. Such a pleasure to have you.

00:33:44:04 - 00:33:53:09
Kevin Eikenberry
It's a great book. Thanks, Steve. For me and everybody, I hope that you will go out and get your copy of the communication code. Thanks again, Jeremy.

00:33:53:11 - 00:33:55:07
Jeremie Kubicek
Thanks, Kevin. Cheers.

00:33:55:09 - 00:34:15:14
Kevin Eikenberry
And with that, everybody, you know that. We'll be back. So make sure you come back. So if you haven't subscribe to the podcast, make sure you do that. If you just happened to run into me on whatever social channel you're on, make sure that you follow us there so you get future episodes because we'll be back next week with another episode of the Remarkable Leadership podcast.

Meet Jeremie

Jeremie's Story: Jeremie Kubicek is the author of The 100X Leader, 5 Voices, 5 Gears, the National Bestseller, Making Your Leadership Come Alive, The Peace Index, and his latest book, The Communication Code, co-authored with his business partner Steve Cockram. He is a powerful communicator, serial entrepreneur, and content builder. Jeremie is the Co-Founder of GiANT, a company that certifies coaches and consultants that serve companies and their employees. Jeremie has started over 25 companies while living in Oklahoma City, Moscow, Atlanta, and London.

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Leading with Questions with Bob Tiede on The Remarkable Leadership Podcast with Kevin Eikenberry
Leadership Communication, Personal Leadership Development

Leading with Questions with Bob Tiede

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A good leader isn’t afraid of questions. Bob Tiede joins Kevin to discuss the art of questioning, this includes the importance of asking open-ended questions, not putting people in a corner, giving them the time to respond, and the opportunity to say yes. He believes that leaders often hesitate to ask questions because they feel the need to project an image of having all the answers. However, he emphasizes that asking questions not only helps leaders gain valuable insights but also empowers their team members to contribute their ideas and perspectives.

Listen For...

00:00:00 Introduction to the podcast and guest, Bob Tiede
00:09:39 What keeps leaders from asking questions
00:11:32 Giving answers denies space for others to contribute.
00:13:06 Leaders who project having all the answers come across as unsure.
00:13:47 Asking questions as a leader is more important now.
00:22:09 The art of questioning includes giving people time to answer.
00:25:18 The mindset of a learner is important when questioning.
00:27:32 Creating a question culture through question storming.
00:28:53 Culture and generating questions to solve issues.
00:29:25 Bob's favorite question: "What do you think?"
00:30:04 The power of asking "What else?" multiple times.
00:37:34 Conclusion and invitation to join next week's episode.

Meet Bob

Bob Tiede
  • Name: Bob Tiede 
  • Bob's Story: Bob Tiede (pronounced “Tee-Dee”) has been on the staff of Cru (formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ) for 52 years – serving 8 years in Cru Campus and then 24 years as the CEO of Josh McDowell Ministry – a Division of Cru. And Now 20 years on the U.S. Leadership Development Team – developing the next generation of leaders for Cru. Bob’s blog LeadingWithQuestions.com is now in its 11th year and followed by leaders in over 200 countries. Bob has written 6 very popular books, including “Great Leaders Ask Question – a Fortune 100 List” and “Now That’s a Great Question” and his newest book is the 3rd Edition of “LEADING WITH QUESTIONS” which has been Amazon’s #1 Best Seller in the category of Business communication! Bob’s mission is to help leaders everywhere multiply their leadership effectiveness X10 by moving from “Let Me Tell You!” to “Let Me Ask You!” Bob has been married to Sherry for 53 years and is the proud Dad of 4 adult children – all married and 8 incredible Grandchildren – all who love to ask their “Papa Bob” questions!
"Part of the art of questioning is asking the question and then giving them time and relax … and wait for them to answer. The longer the silence, generally, the better the answer." Said by Bob Tiede on The Remarkable Leadership Podcast with Kevin Eikenberry

This episode is brought to you by...

The Long-Distance Team. Remote leadership experts, Kevin Eikenberry and Wayne Turmel, help leaders navigate the new world of remote and hybrid teams to design the culture they desire for their teams and organizations in their new book!

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The Art of Active Listening with Heather Younger on The Remarkable Leadership Podcast with Kevin Eikenberry
Leadership Communication, Personal Leadership Development

The Art of Active Listening with Heather Younger

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Listening is important for our interactions and our ongoing relationships. Heather R. Younger joins Kevin to talk about active listening, which is more than nodding your head and repeating what someone says. Active listening uses your senses to recognize what is unsaid. Active listening is about engaging with the other person, showing interest, and understanding their emotional state. Active listening is about taking the time to research, reflect, and analyze the feedback or request received. Active listening is acting, even if the action is a compromise or a no. Lastly, active listening is consistently closing the loop to show that their voice is valued and their feedback matters.

Listen For

00:00 Introduction to the importance of active listening
02:14 Heather Younger's background and motivation for focusing on listening
06:23 Definition of active listening as understanding what others want
08:38 The five steps of the active listening cycle
11:44 Step 1: Recognizing the unsaid
15:15 Step 2: Seeking to understand
18:28 Step 3: Decoding and reflecting
22:43 Step 4: Taking action
24:46 Step 5: Closing the loop
30:00 Conclusion

Meet Heather

Heather Younger
  • Name: Heather R. Younger
  • Her Story: Heather R. Younger is the author of The Art of Active Listening: How People at Work Feel Heard, Valued, and Understood. She is an experienced international keynote speaker, best-selling author, CEO, and Founder of Employee Fanatix. Her experiences as an entrepreneur, manager, attorney, writer, coach, listener, speaker, collaborator, and mother of 4 all lend themselves to a laser-focused clarity into what makes employees of organizations and companies—large and small—tick.
Active listening really is, it's the difference between thinking what we know that people want and actually knowing what they want. It's taking the assumptions out of what we think people need from us and getting to the point where we absolutely know what people want from us. - Said by Heather Younger on The Remarkable Leadership Podcast with Kevin Eikenberry

This episode is brought to you by...

The Long-Distance Team. Remote leadership experts, Kevin Eikenberry and Wayne Turmel, help leaders navigate the new world of remote and hybrid teams to design the culture they desire for their teams and organizations in their new book!

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Leadership Communication

Never Say Whatever with Richard Moran

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WHATEVER. When we use this word to answer a question, we aren't deciding or, we are passing the buck. Richard Moran believes that when we use the word Whatever we may feel helpless or lack control, and we surrender. Often, we have more control than we think. So, when we make decisions, both the big and the small ones that seem insignificant, we need to be intentional. The action we take follows the intent.

Key Points

  • Richard Moran shares his research on trends about the word Whatever and how it relates to decision-making. 
  • He discusses how Whatever can impact leadership by creating a culture of indifference.

Meet Richard

  • Name: Richard Moran
  • His Story: Richard Moran is the author of Never Say Whatever: How Small Decisions Make a Big Difference. He is a Silicon Valley-based business leader, workplace pundit, bestselling author, venture capitalist, former CEO, and college president. He is best known for his series of humorous business books beginning with the bestselling, Never Confuse a Memo with Reality, and is credited with starting the genre of “Business Bullet Books.”
  • Worth Mentioning: Richard Moran holds a Ph.D. in organizational behavior, but his work is not academic. Research is important and he believes what is just as critical are the observations one can make by being in the trenches of business. His observations are candid, humorous, and true. His body of work includes 10 books about using commonsense in business. He is the host of the CBS syndicated radio program, “In the Workplace.” Rich has appeared on CNN, NPR, and most major media outlets.

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Remarkable Masterclasses. Each masterclass is designed to help you become the remarkable leader and human you were born to be. Details on how to get on board for a specific skill or get discounts each month can be found on our website.

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Chuck Wisner
Leadership Communication, Personal Leadership Development, Professional Development

The Art of Conscious Conversation with Chuck Wisner

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Our words matter. We live in conversation. The words we hear are filtered with our biases, opinions, and prejudices, so we need to question and understand. Chuck Wisner sits down with Kevin to discuss 4 types of conversations. We often get stuck in the storytelling or the commitment. We need to do a better job with collaborative and creative discussions. New and good things can be created when we take the time to share our thoughts and debate.

Key Points

Chuck Wisner shares 4 types of conversations:

  • Storytelling—Acknowledging and investigating the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and others. 
  • Collaborating—Exploring the way our stories interact with other people’s stories. 
  • Creating—Cocreating possibilities and discovering unforeseen solutions to sticky problems.
  • Committing—Coordinating our actions with others to get things done.
  • He talks about the roles of emotions, facts, and opinions in our stories.
  •  He discusses advocacy and inquiry.

Meet Chuck

Chuck Wisner
  • Name: Chuck Wisner
  • His Story: Chuck is the author of The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming How We Talk, Listen, and Interact. He is currently working as an advisor with leaders and their teams at Google, Ford, DTE Energy, and Tesla (all Fortune 200 companies). His client list has included PSEG, Harvard Business School, Toyota, the Detroit Mayor’s Office, General Motors, Shell, and Chrysler Motor Company.
  • Worth Mentioning: Chuck earned an architectural degree from the Boston Architectural College and worked as a successful architect in the Boston area for twenty years. Inspired by life circumstances, Chuck changed careers mid-life and was among the first to be certified in a Mastering the Art of Professional Coaching program with the Newfield Network, one of the world's leading transformational education organizations over the past thirty years. Subsequently, he was a senior affiliated mediator with the Harvard Law Mediation Program and a specialist in organizational learning and transformational leadership associated with MIT’s Center for Organizational Learning.
Every leader should know that their voice has a power of ten. (27:34)

This episode is brought to you by...

Remarkable Masterclasses. Each masterclass is designed to help you become the remarkable leader and human you were born to be. Details on how to get on board for a specific skill or get discounts each month can be found on our website.

Book Recommendations

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Join Our Community

If you want to view our live podcast episodes, hear about new releases, or chat with others who enjoy this podcast join one of our communities below.

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